Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Sex Versus Relationships

Last year, I met a man on OKCupid. I like OKCupid, and I don't really understand the taboo against dating websites. I am a beautiful woman who has never had a problem finding men to date, but OKCupid can make things very easy. And easy is always a good thing in today's fast paced society - especially in law school.

Anyways, back to the dating/breakup story. Let's call the man Eagle because he was working for the White House at the time. Eagle and I didn't date for very long. He was very sweet, but ultimately wasn't what I was looking for.

On our - I don't know - maybe fourth date, I had already realized that although I enjoyed dating him, I didn't see him as ever being a long term option. It was Halloween, and I dressed up as a dominatrix - big surprise, I know. We went out dancing in Adam's Morgan, and it was hot and heavy on the dance floor. I drank a lot, and I was horny. We went back to my place and had sex.

Afterwards, I went out on the porch for a cigarette in my robe, and he kept me company. He said something - I can't remember exactly what - suggesting that he was a little uncomfortable with us having sex so soon.

I took affront and asked him if he was judging me for having sex with him so soon. My feminist sense was tingling with outrage. And he responded that this was absolutely not what he meant. Instead, he wanted to make sure that it had meant something. He liked me and didn't want the sex to have been meaningless.

I was dumbfounded because it took me out of right field, and I felt ever so guilty because I knew, in my heart, that I hadn't waited for very long because I truly didn't see us as having long term potential. 

Perhaps, my lesson to take from this was not to be so assuming upfront and also that on occasion I too make the mistake of being careless with others' emotions. It's easy to see the many times where my girlfriends have been hurt by men who are looking more for sex than for a relationship. The media so often focuses on the ridiculous notion that men want sex and that women want relationships. I've always known this to be faulty, but society affects us all in many ways, and it's important to be aware of society's impact on even feminists.

 This post was not meant to discourage women from having sex too soon. As a matter of fact I completely disagree with this notion. We should all have sex whenever the hell we feel like it. But I have found that, personally, when I meet a man who I want to seriously date I tend to wait longer to have sex.

In my mind, sex for the sake of sex and sex in a relationship can be two entirely different things. When I have sex for the sake of sex, it's all about me and my instant gratification. When I have sex for the first time in a new relationship, it's an incredibly intimate thing where I can be emotionally vulnerable. 

Anyways, I'm signing off for now, but stay tuned because I'm planning on following this post up with "The Most Awkward Breakup Ever" with Eagle.

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