I'm on a bike! Take a long hard look at the motherf*in' bike!

As nice an experience as it has been not really needing a car in D.C., I was missing my mobility very much.  Without a car, a shopping trip two metro stops away can easily turn into an all day activity.  Last weekend, needing food and other necessities, I decided to go to Target, Trader Joe’s, and some other stores.  However, I couldn’t very well carry everything I bought, so I brought an empty suitcase with me and proceeded to fill it to the brim with random items that I probably shouldn’t have bought in the first place.  So I’m dragging my suitcase all around this residential area, and all of a sudden, the suitcase stops rolling.  So I lay the suitcase down and look at the wheels and get a large whiff of burning rubber.  Not only are the wheels scrapped up and burning because they’re being dragged along, but they’re also completely cracked. 

Fortunately for me, last semester, I had the exact same thing happen to me.  On that occasion, I tried to drag the heavy suitcase a good five blocks or so before collapsing in a heap close to tears and calling a friend, let’s say Sally, to pick me up.  By the time she picked me up I had figured out that if I took the rubber off of the wheels, I could get the luggage to drag as a VERY temporary solution.  So, armed with my knowledge gained from pain and suffering, I tore off the rubber from the wheels of my suitcase and I was left with somewhat workable wheels.  Note: this is the third suitcase I’ve destroyed in less than a year. 

So, I had had enough and desperately needed a bike.  Luck was with me, and there was a bike locked up to the back of our house that the landlady said had been abandoned there for over a year.  She told me that I was welcome to the bike if I could find a way to free it from its lock. 

I went to a bike shop looking for advice as to how to free the damn bike, and I tried to explain the situation to a man who worked there.  He looked at me suspiciously and said, “you do realize that what you’re asking me is comparable to someone asking how to hotwire a car?”

Well, yes, of course I realized this.  I certainly wouldn’t have come to you with this question if I WAS in the bike theft market.  I was trying to find the most legit way to go about this.  No need to be a jerk!  What I actually asked was what suggestions he could offer.  He told me to go to the police.  So, I went on another trip, to another metro stop and went to the police department.  And what did the officers tell me to do?  Go get a bolt cutter!  So, I had to go back to the stop where the bike shop was at to go to ACE Hardware. 

Renting the bolt cutter, especially for the explicit purpose of cutting a bike lock (even though it wasn’t stealing, and I was simply claiming abandoned property with the consent of my landlady whose property the bike was on) made me feel incredibly awkward.  Then, the bolt cutter the guy pulled out was ... FIVE FEET LONG and super heavy!  So, I got onto the metro with this unwieldy bolt cutter trying to be inconspicuous but to no avail.  

(I looked like this except with longer hair.  Yes, I was wearing overalls and a plaid shirt.)

Everyone in the metro blatantly starred at me, and, because it was during rush hour, I tried desperately not to fall over on top of someone whilst carrying two big bags and a huge bolt cutter.   

But, I now have a bike!  Getting on the bike, I was so excited that I started singing "I'm on a Boat" in my head, but replacing boat with bike.